Jul 162014


“This game is so much fun, we do not care who wins.”

—Stephen Huneck, from Sally Goes to the Farm

am I traumatizing my children
are other people happier than me
do I generate too much garbage
why am I so selfish
why is everyone else so selfish
if I took driving lessons would I stop running over curbs
do other people’s thoughts chase them through the trees
do I look as old as other people my age
should I exercise more
why do we put so much weight on the surface of our lives
do the drugs I took in the nineties affect my present-day happiness
am I a bad person because I don’t weed my garden
am I a bad person because I didn’t plant my own garden
am I a bad person just in general
how do I teach my son not to lie
is radiohead influenced by robyn hitchcock
why couldn’t I ever learn to like robyn hitchcock
or jazz
if I had stayed at a real job would I feel more personally fulfilled
why couldn’t I ever stick with a real job
what is a real job
should I be looking for one
should I look for something else
do I have the right of way here or not?

May 252013


Senior Class Awards

Instructions Please nominate one girl (G) and one male (M) for each category of awards. These awards will be given out at our senior breakfast June 7th. Please include first and last names of the individuals you nominate.

Most Likely to Be President:  _____________
Best Smile:    _____________
Best Hair:    _____________
Best Personality:    _____________
Most likely to be a comedian:    _____________
Most likely to be a professional athlete:    _____________
Most likely to become a clown:    _____________
Best Dressed:    _____________
Best Laugh:    _____________
Most Likely to become a reality star:    _____________


When I say I’ll do my best, it means I’ll try. When I say I’ll try, it means I’ll reach down into the grab bag that is my “formed personality” and see what’s there. I’ll take out the attractive stuff and attempt to leave the total garbage at the bottom where no one can see it, especially you. But you’re going to be following me around all the time, so get used to the garbage. Get used to Oscar the Grouch. That’s what we have to work with, sweetie-pie.

Every day might be different. Let’s hope it is. Because you’re stuck with me for seventeen years. That’s about how long it takes to make a childhood. And because I REALLY want to do my best, I’ll pack you perfect little lunches with fresh carrot sticks. But you won’t eat them! Your teacher will send them home in the sweaty lunchbox and I’ll throw them away. This will make me mad. I won’t show it. I should show it. It’s healthier to show it. But my feelings will scare the hell out of you. And you’ll hate my clothes. . .