Jan 112017



“This is the practiced habit of jabbing out one’s eyes and forgetting the work of one’s hands. To acknowledge these horrors means turning away from the brightly rendered version of your country as it has always declared itself and turning toward something murkier and unknown. It is still too difficult for most Americans to do this. But this is your work. It must be, if only to preserve the sanctity of your mind.”

Ta-Nehisi Coates


Some thoughts on this book, this video, and the song by Olodum.

1. Guess what I got a green screen for Christmas! I pretended it was for my kids, wrapped it and put it under the tree, wrote a little card “Love, Santa.” They weren’t too thrilled about it. When they were busy playing with their other presents I opened the box and set it up in my office. I think I’m going to have a lot of fun with it.

2. These are sad days. January in NJ is cold and rainy. Trump about to be inaugurated. I don’t feel too good.

3. I’ve been listening to Olodum since the 90s when I went to Brazil. We spent some time in the city of Salvador, and I was fortunate enough to catch Olodum live. It’s possible they aren’t the most authentic representation of Brazilian music, and it’s also possible that they are the MOST authentic. I’m too lazy and busy (I get these qualities mixed up in my head) to do much research here. They might cater to tourists, as I was a tourist and saw them play and didn’t dig very deep into the music there. Salvador is music. That’s the impression I got. No need to dig, just go. I like the beat of Olodum, the drums make me feel like I can keep living.

4. I have a hard time pronouncing Ta-Nehisi Coates’ first name; this makes me feel like a racist. I get the H and the N mixed up. Then I found out the pronunciation is even more complicated than that. I’m pretty hard on myself in the “Am I Racist” department for reasons I explain in the video. I grew up with a confederate flag on the back of my banana seat bike. Figuratively, all right? Girls weren’t allowed to have banana seat bikes. I don’t know how much of the evil in the world I should blame myself for. Blame leads to shame which a non-doing state of mind. Do. What? Do. What? Do.


6. All references to drugs and drug dealers are from the 1990s. I stopped taking drugs of all kinds a long time ago now. Although I would like to find a drug that could put me to sleep for the next four years. Alas, I have kids to raise. I can’t wake up when my daughter goes to college. I need to help her with her SATS. But they don’t call it that anymore. Must . . . stay . . . awake. Wake up. In order to sanctify your mind, you must stay awake. That’s the whole idea.

7. A quote from Bell Hooks: “While we often hear about privileged black men assuming a ghetto gangsta-boy style, we rarely hear about the pressure they get from white people to prove they are ‘really black.’ This pressure is part of the psychological racial arsenal for it constantly lets educated black people, especially black males, know that no amount of education will allow them to escape the imposition of racist stereotypes.”

8. I’m just trying to get to 10 now to make this a proper list. Here’s a picture of Ray, the cute kid in Jerry Maguire.

9. I love this scene from Psycho, which is playing in the back of my youtube book review. Marion’s boss walks in front of her car, and he doesn’t know she has stolen all that money, and she’s running away, leaving town. She’s supposed to be at work. And her boss, by coincidence, walks in front of her car at a traffic light. The look on his face, and the look on her face. It’s a shame she has to die.

10. The night before New Year’s Eve I watched a few minutes of people fighting. It was a national UFC championship for women, and they hit each other hard without padded gloves. I forgot until I was standing there at Hooters (haha not really) that I’m unable to watch this kind of fighting without feeling sick, and faint. But I think I’d be a good lady fighter. I still have gobs of pent-up rage. I’ve dispensed with some of it. But I could probably get very scrappy in the ring.

Next life.

Oct 122014


“How could they see anything but the shadows if they were never allowed to move their heads?”

—Plato, The Republic

My name is Charlotte Newton, but people call me Charlie. I live in Santa Rosa, California in 1943. You only wish you could go back and live in such a sweet, innocent place. But that’s the whole point. I get sullied, you see, everything gets sullied, and ruined by my uncle, who is evil. For a long time, my only problem is that my mother and father are stupid idiots. But something happened in my mother’s family, something that has twisted her and her brother, and it’s only a matter of time until it catches up with us.

I was named after my mother’s brother–my Uncle Charlie. And we are like twins, psychically connected. This turns into a big problem when Uncle Charlie comes to visit us in Santa Rosa. I have a friend, Katherine, who is dying to get laid, but I‘m the one who everyone wants to get into bed. Even my uncle has his eye on me. But I’m too smart, too quick, too well dressed to get caught in his hairy, grasping hands. I mean, he gets them on me, here and there, but there’s no permanent damage. I’ll still get married.

As it turns out, Uncle Charlie is a strangler, literally. He kills women and takes their money. In his eyes, they are swine who live to overeat, play cards, and wear diamonds. They deserve to die, to Uncle Charlie’s way of thinking. It’s not his fault, that he thinks like that; he had an accident on his bike when he was a little kid and he hit his head. The injury turned him into a psychopath. So now he has sex with women, then kills them. Widows, mostly. That’s his thing.

Hitchcock Heroine: Charlie Newton
Movie: Shadow of a Doubt
Best Feature: My eyes
Worst Feature: I find it hard to walk in high heels
Boyfriend’s best feature: He’s a detective
Boyfriend’s worst feature: Weak chin (really weak)
How I got rid of Uncle Charlie: threw him off a train